"My daughter has always been a good student but she seems to have given up trying in school this year. When she comes home with a test or book report that doesn´t reflect what I know she´s capable of, it drives me crazy but she defends it by saying "it´s good enough." It´s not like she´s unhappy and she doesn´t seem to have any problems that would explain this type of attitude change. School is becoming more challenging and I´m worried that she´ll give up altogether and fail eventually. How can I help her stay smart?"

Dr. Swanson Says…
It sounds as if your daughter has had a lot of successes before things became challenging for her – ironically, this may be what is getting in her way. Since things came more easily to your daughter early on, she may not have had to develop effective study or work skills – help her to identify effective work habits and approaches to studying that will help her to feel more empowered in reaching her goals.

Ways To Address:
In addition, help your daughter understand that "smart" means "someone who keeps learning because she tries her best." Research indicates that when we acknowledge our daughters´ successes by stating how "smart they are," they often interpret this message to mean that their success was due to some type of aptitude that they happened to possess and that is outside of their control or influence. So, in the face of true challenge, girls may be less likely to try their best out of fear that adults around them will find out that they are not as "smart" as they thought – "it´s better to fail because I didn´t try than to fail when I tried my best".

Focus less feedback on outcomes and more on her efforts and growth (ex: "You worked really hard on that report", "Your writing has become so descriptive!"). Help her to assess and to recognize her own success (ex: "What did you feel was the best part of your book report?", "Wow! You must be really proud of yourself!") to increase her empowerment and decrease her reliance on (and anxiety about) others´ judgments.

Juliette Says…
It is good to see that you are worried about your daughter, because some moms don´t even take an interest in their child´s school life. First, I think you need to figure out why your daughter´s grades are suddenly decreasing. You could arrange a school meeting with the teachers to understand the real cause. It could be that she just isn´t challenged enough in school and she is becoming bored, or maybe she is not understanding the material. You should also ask her what the deal is, so that you can understand how she feels about the whole situation. You need to let her know that you want her to do her absolute best, and whatever grades come from that, then you are proud of her. You want her to know that she should also be proud of herself, and that is more important with you being proud of her. You don´t want to become one of those parents where your daughter is scared to show you her grades in fear that you will get mad at her. Don´t put too much pressure on her, but just give her that extra push so she will do well.