As with every character trait, the best way to develop integrity in your child is to be a model of integrity. The way we live our lives communicates to our children what we value and how they should live their lives, more effectively than what we say.

Consistency Across Time and Place
The consistency with which people can depend upon you relays information both about your own integrity as well as about the value/importance you place on the relationship with the person to whom you made the promise. While most of us would never fail to meet a promise made to our boss, we may not think twice about canceling or postponing or shortchanging plans made with our children or partner. Think about what that says, though… should a promise to one person have more meaning than to another?

Follow-Through
All of us have been in the situation of having committed to some future event that no longer held the same appeal once the actual event was upon us. Often, in this situation, we are inclined to tell a “little white lie” to escape that event that no longer holds our interest. But, again, what does that say to our children? The unspoken message is that our original commitment holds no true meaning or value. The better model for your children to observe is one of follow through with the commitment and to make promises with more caution in the future.

Honesty
Of course, most of us have been in situations where we’ve overcommitted ourselves to so many people or events that there is no possible way to follow through with everything. Or maybe exhaustion or stress makes us feel like begging off from a commitment. Fair enough.

Again, rather than weave a creative story designed to absolve you of your commitments, do the right thing: be honest. It’s reasonable to say something like, “I know we made plans to go to dinner but, to be honest, I’m absolutely exhausted and I don’t feel up for it; I’m so sorry to cancel our plans but I’d love to plan on another time if that’s okay with you.” As uncomfortable as the truth may be, it will always feel better to you than living with a lie. And the model you provide for your children is more consistent with who you want them to be.