Giving and receiving compliments may seem like such small skills that you may feel like your time is better spent addressing "bigger" social skills and issues. Consider the payoff for a little time spent developing this skill in your child – giving and receiving compliments in a positive way can contribute to a positive sense of self and to positive relationships with others.

Accepting gifts
A compliment is a gift. Just as you have learned to accept a gift from someone that doesn't quite seem to suit you, accepting a compliment – any compliment – with grace and gratitude says more about you than the actual compliment itself. When someone says, "Wow! I love your sweater," or "You did such a great job with that speech!," do you find yourself dismissing the positive statement with, "Oh, this sweater is so old.." or "Oh, you're so nice, it really wasn't a big deal…?" As your child's primary teacher and natural role model, you will need to resist the temptation to respond with an explanation or a statement that diminishes the compliment. We may think self-deprecating or minimizing responses show our modesty and lack of conceit but in fact they are harmful to one's sense of self and insulting to the person who gave the compliment!

A simple response like "Thanks – that's very nice of you to say" works well. Often, a compliment doesn't require more than this to demonstrate simply and graciously your appreciation for someone's act of kindness. If you find your child responding with negative responses to compliments, prompt them to respond with a simple "Thank you!" and over time, they will learn to accept and internalize these positive messages.

Giving
It's also a great idea to model for your child how to give a compliment (note: without expecting one in return.) Model in your own interactions with others how to compliment a skill or an asset that you admire. Even simple observations like, "I really admire the way she's able to create such beautiful pictures," help model for your child the skill of acknowledging someone else's positive attributes. Recognizing strengths and admirable qualities in others not only will help your child connect to others in positive ways but will also helps them understand that someone else's strengths are not a threat to their own value as a person.