I was walking through Target the other day when I heard an incredibly high-pitched, blood-curdling young scream unmatched by any I had ever heard before. I could hardly begin to imagine the distress this poor child must be experiencing when I suddenly found myself turning down an aisle that put me face to face with the source – a 5-year-old girl who was trying her best to get her mother to meet her demands by creating the biggest scene possible. It is amazing how quickly children realize that a parent's potential embarrassment might be used to get what they want… this mother, however, was not going to fall prey to the emotional manipulation at hand. Instead, she calmly studied the shelves of shampoo and conditioner in front of her until she found the ones she wanted, and then continued pushing her cart down the aisle with a nonchalant stride. No doubt the young girl's screams (and several insulting comments) pierced right through both her poor mother's ears and her heart but this tower of maternal strength gave no indication of distress, knowing that this type of reaction would fuel the tantrum's fire and would signal to her daughter that this type of behavior was indeed effective. Instead, she reminded the girl in a matter-of-fact voice at one point that, "You won't get anything you want by acting that way." I went along my way, impressed at the mother's calm demeanor and her ability to do the right thing for her daughter although it must have caused her some stress and possible embarrassment in the very busy store.

Components of this scenario are replayed many times throughout our lives as parents although it generally looks different with changing ages and situations. Being resourceful, children will attempt to play on our emotions over and over to get what they want – maybe it's expressed as "everyone else's parents are letting them do it!" or "I hate you, you never let me do anything!" or the "cold shoulder treatment" – whatever the words or behavior involved, don't fall for it!!! Think of what you give up when you give in – not just your authority and control as a parent but, more important, you could lose an opportunity for your child to learn. When you calmly follow through with your decisions, your child learns a bit more about your values and integrity while they build their own emotional muscle in dealing with disappointment and delaying gratification. When you love a child, sometimes you just have to let them scream.