Giving our children everything they want can actually prevent them from getting what they need.

How we indulge
Across all economic lines, there is an epidemic of indulgence. Many parents are indulgent with material things, many are indulgent with permission, and still others are indulgent with both.

With regards to material indulgence, there is a tremendous pressure in our society for adults and children to "keep up with the Joneses." This type of peer pressure can easily color our parenting choices. Even if we don´t give in to buying an expensive car or vacation for ourselves, indulging our children´s requests for extravagant purchases models the very act of giving in to peer pressure and communicates something about where our values lie.

When it comes to behavioral indulgence, failing to set limits for your child or giving in to whining, tantrumming or emotional manipulation demonstrates that you are not in control and that the rules don´t really apply to your child. This is particularly risky as they will surely apply the concept of "the rules don´t apply to me" in their interactions to life outside of the family, and often leads to serious behavior problems and conflicts in relationships with peers and significant others as they get older.

Whose needs?
Parents can try to justify indulgences as wanting to give their child "the best" but it´s important to be honest with ourselves about why we make the choices we do. When we give children everything they want we are really trying to avoid the conflict that ensues when we tell a child "no" or to relieve ourselves of the peer pressure we feel in society.

Growth doesn´t happen without struggle or effort
Indulgent parenting can take different forms – bending the rules to prevent a child´s discomfort or pain, saving them from the negative consequences of their actions, spending large sums of money on their clothes or entertainment – these types of parenting behaviors can significantly stunt the emotional growth of the child at hand. There are some basic psychological tasks that every individual must accomplish to become a healthy, happy adult – coping with disappointment, managing anger and frustration, working hard to reach one´s goals, experiencing the empowerment and self-esteem that comes with being accountable and responsible, deferring gratification, and building understanding and awareness of others. When we indulge our children, we deprive them of the opportunity to grow.

Let your child experiences the natural consequences of their actions, resist the temptation to fulfill every material or financial wish, hold them accountable for age-appropriate expectations of behavior – remember that it´s the difficult and challenging moments that will help your children build the life skills they need to become healthy, happy adults one day.