One of the most important life skills we can develop in our children is the ability to think for themselves. While it´s tempting to provide the answers they need and to protect them from any pain or stress, it does not prepare them to become independent in problem-solving or in handling difficult situations in our absence.

Ask Questions
Instead of lecturing your child and telling them what they should do or how they should feel, ask them questions that get them thinking for themselves. When faced with a difficult situation, asking "What do you think you should do?" and "How do you think that will work out?" will help them practice and develop the problem-solving skills that they will need throughout their lives.

"Thinking Out Loud"
Children can´t read our minds and they stop listening when we launch into long explanations of what they should do. Instead, try verbalizing your own thinking so your child can learn from your model. When faced with a difficult situation, talk it out, out loud. For example, when you feel angry, calmly say something like, "I´m feeling angry right now – I think I need to take a break and calm down before I can talk to anyone about this and solve this problem." Your child will start to understand that they can help to change their own difficult emotions and effectively manage tough situations.

Provide Positive Feedback
Children often hear "no" and receive a lot of feedback about what they can´t or shouldn´t do – try instead to catch them doing the right thing as much as you can. Of course, your level of praise should appropriately match the situation – don´t go on and on about the smallest thing but do make a quick, positive comment – it will go a long way. Not only will you help your child identify their own good choices but their motivation for making that good choice again in the future will increase.

Don´t Save Your Child
When we deal with the consequences of our actions, we learn a lesson about good choices or bad choices, for better or for worse; the same is true for our children. When a child makes a bad choice but is ´saved" from its negative consequences, they´ve missed an important life lesson and are likely to repeat the same mistake in the future.

Trust
Our children can develop the thinking skills they need to become to become healthy, independent and happy adults if we provide them with appropriate support and direction – and then, we need to trust them enough to let go.