Praise can be such a powerful tool in helping our children shape and continue positive behaviors while feeling good about themselves.

Be Specific
When giving praise or positive feedback to your child, provide specific details about what you liked or admired. Saying "good girl" doesn't help your daughter understand what you valued about her behavior. Instead, saying, "I really admired how you stood up for your friend" lets her identify a positive choice she made in a way that increases her understanding of who she is and who she wants to be, and makes her likely to repeat the behavior.

Build Skills Needed to Self-Evaluate
Try asking your child to evaluate his own choices (ex: "How do feel about studying so hard and then doing so well on that test?") rather than telling him why his choices were a good idea. This helps him to evaluate and own his positive choices rather than rely on others' assessments of his actions. And in your absence, he will have more of a sense of healthy decisions, and he likely to feel motivated and empowered to make more good choices.

Focus on the Internal Motivation vs. External Rewards
When we reward children for every accomplishment (ex: paying $ for good grades, buying a treat for doing their homework), we undermine their sense of value for and accomplishment in achieving the goal in and of itself. The focus becomes the proverbial carrot dangling in front of them instead of the good feelings and positive self-esteem that can come from a job well done. Over time, in the absence of a reward, the motivation to complete a task may disappear altogether.

Don't Make Your Feelings Count More Than Your Child's
It's good to feel proud of your child but fostering their own positive self-worth will go farther – instead of (or in addition to) "I'm so proud of you…", ask "How does that make you feel about yourself?" to support a sense of self-pride which will carry your child's success much farther.

Praise can make any child feel good for a moment – Praising children the right way can help them build skills that shape good choices and positive feelings about themselves for a lifetime.