Dear Catherine,

Your 10-year-old daughter is probably as savvy or mature for her age in today's generation as a 14 year old might have been a few generations ago. There is no question that children are exposed largely via the media to information, topics and situations that would have been considered too adult not long ago.

However, if you mean that your daughter looks longingly at happy couples just being together that is quite different from saying she is potentially promiscuous or abnormal for her age. Depending on your family situation, your daughter might find comfort in watching loving couples as a kind of soothing fantasy possibly to make up for extra attention or affection she may need for whatever reason at this time.

Think about the stresses in her life. Typical stresses for a pre-teen 10 year old are: family, school and social. Does she have any additional stresses such as health issues, special academic struggles or family changes (eg. illness, death, divorce, birth of siblings, loss of a close friend or even loss of a pet, move to another home) that may add to the usual difficulties most kids deal at this age with on a daily basis?

Talk to your daughter to find out more about what's going on in her life that you may not be aware of. Even if your daughter has some private sexual thoughts, which she may never admit to anyone, while watching 'loving couples,' that may be quite consistent with subtle pubertal changes that can begin at even age 10. Try not to judge your daughter, but ask her why she likes the movies she does. Don't be discouraged if she is not able to tell you much. She may really not know why, let alone be able to explain her feelings to you.

I would not assume based on your question that your daughter is 'not normal' as long as she is not dressing or acting in a promiscuous or inappropriately sexual way. I wonder if your daughter is a bit lonely at times. Does she have a friend or two? Is she shy?

Crushes certainly can begin at this age. Your daughter may like a boy from school or other activities, but not know how to handle her feelings. I would gently ask her to tell you more about her daily life. Try to plan a time for just the two of you to be together when she has your undivided attention. Even a few minutes a day, when you can have some mother-daughter time may help you both to feel more connected, relaxed and become a bit closer. By opening up communication in general, despite reluctance on your daughter's part at first, may shed light on your question. Also, you are giving her the extra attention she seems to want.

Do you remember how you felt when you were her age? It's helpful to try to remember how awkward a ten year old can feel if we remember our own experiences at that age. Another way to become a little closer and better understand your daughter is to try to think of activities, even simple ones at home, that you can do together, eg. cooking, crafts projects or just about anything you might enjoy and share together. If you sense your daughter is sad or worried about something, find out more from her in this way before concluding that she is not just going through 'growing pains' and still needs her mom to be there for support and reassurance.

Finally, try to step back and see your daughter as a total person. Think about her strengths, talents and accomplishments. If you still feel concerned that something is wrong with your daughter's behavior, speak to her pediatrician. He or she knows your daughter, understands normal developmental milestones, and may be a terrific resource or first step if your worries persist that may require professional help.

Good luck! Dr. Foster