"How do you keep sisters from fighting? " – Karen

Dear Karen,

I will assume both your girls are fairly typical for their age and there are no major family issues. Honestly ask yourself if you favor one or the other daughter. Assuming you are as in tune with both your daughters and do not see one as more provocative than the other, try to have weekly family meetings to discuss "rules" that should apply to all members of the family, e.g., respect each other's privacy, take time-outs if tensions are boiling over, try to compromise or take turns if sharing is the issue, schedule a quiet time each school day especially.

Are the girls left unsupervised for long periods of time? Depending on their ages, if they quickly start to fight when left alone, your daughters probably need more adult supervision. Also, long stretches of unstructured time, e.g., after school and on weekends or other non-school days will lead to frustration and fighting if the girls do not have enough to keep them busy. They may also need to be more involved with friends and outside activities.

Make sure they are both getting enough sleep; one or both daughters may be very cranky if she is sleep deprived. A brief nap, rest or earlier bedtime may help.

Sisters at different ages may be frustrated because their interests are different. Anything from favorite TV shows, clothes, fun things to do, homework loads & school responsibilities can vary greatly. It will be harder for them to agree on many things when they are developmentally farther apart. They may need to be encouraged to separate more physically to do different things, if that is the case.

Sit with the girls and write down some "ground rules of behavior" letting your daughters participate in this agreement: e.g., no taking what belongs to another without permission. Allow both girls, if they want time alone, to go to their rooms or a private place in the house to relax without the other one intruding. Try to be as positive as you can. Praise them when they are behaving appropriately.

Humor sometimes cuts the tension. Try to stay as calm as you can when dealing with a fight. Your daughters will learn to be calmer if they see you keep your composure. They may also respond to distraction at times: e.g. girls, please help me with such & such. Don't be afraid to try different strategies. Be flexible with solutions. Find out what works best for all of you. Remember, this too will pass, as your daughters mature. Good luck.