My daughter is 11 years old. She is going through a lot of physical changes. She started her period 3 months before her 11th birthday. She is handling everything ok, but has problems sometimes with feeling lonely, depressed. I try to support her as much as possible and told her a lot of feelings are normal, that she is going through some pretty rough, but normal, changes and that she will get through it – that every girl has, is or will go through the same thing – letting her know she is not alone. Is there anything else I can do to help her through these confusing, awkward changes? She wants to be a grown up (wear makeup etc) and at the same time remain a kid. I want to help her the best way possible and need some tips. Liz
Reassuring your daughter that her feelings are normal and that she will get through this somewhat lonely time are wonderful supports a mother can offer. Your daughter has entered Puberty, which is a time of rapid bodily or physical changes in both girls and boys, when the body is changing from that of a child to an adult. Puberty can start in girls from roughly age 8-13. But the timing for every girl is different. It is helpful for girls to know that having a period is normal and that all girls will one day change in this way. A visit to the pediatrician may be a good idea for your daughter to hear from a professional, that she is fine, healthy and quite normal. The pediatrician may also answer some questions for your daughter in private that she may not be comfortable asking you. In addition, the pediatrician may give some guidance for managing menstrual cramps, for example, so your daughter can be physically as comfortable as possible. It is also a good idea for the pediatrician to see your daughter at this time for a "baseline" exam, so that if periods are irregular, which is often the case, you both know where to turn for guidance.
Puberty also begins the developmental stage called Adolescence, the emotional mirror to puberty. It is often a time of "push and pull emotions." Your daughter is having normal fluctuations in her moods or feelings. Part of her at times, wants to stay a little girl, feeling safer and being taken care of, while another part of her, driven by changing hormones, is trying to do some maturing such as wearing make-up. These shifting behaviors are perfectly normal. However, your daughter needs you to be there as much as ever to set limits when necessary. For example, if your daughter wants to wear a little pale lipstick to school, that may be OK. However, if she wants to go to school wearing heavy makeup, which is clearly inappropriate, she needs you to tell her that this is not OK. Girls need these limits to feel safe and secure as they continue to experiment during adolescence.
You might also suggest she get involved in an activity such as a sport or whatever might interest her either at school or after school. Clubs or extra-curricular activities are a great way to make new friends and build self-confidence as she learns about talents she may have.
Don't be surprised if your daughter begins to want more privacy from you and other adults. This pulling away from grown-ups is also normal. She is beginning a phase of development where she will begin to separate from adults and seek out her peers more and more.
My 11 year old talks too much. She does this around family as well as her peers. I have tried coaching her to shorten her message (think before speaking), but I am concerned that it is a "turnoff" to other girls. She is otherwise a very sweet and caring individual. Leslie
Your daughter may be going through a time of change, which is both exciting and worrisome. Anxiety and insecurity often make girls very talkative. However, your daughter is probably not mature enough to express her thoughts more concisely. I would find out if she is overly talkative in the classroom. Ask her teacher after a week or two at school, how your daughter is doing. If the teacher has no complaints about your daughter, than she may be really trying to get your attention, but perhaps isn't catching you at the right time. Often girls may come home from school, filled with experiences they really want to share with someone, but you are getting dinner ready or otherwise unable to give her your undivided attention. Try setting a time at the end of the day, perhaps 20 min to ½ hour or more, where you have "mother/daughter time." Listen to what your daughter is talking about as patiently as you can. A relaxing setting such as bedtime for "mother/daughter time" may calm your daughter and help her slow down.
If your daughter's teacher notices that your daughter is being disruptive in class or annoying her peers, you may want to speak with the school psychologist or social worker for guidance. There may be situations at school that are upsetting to your daughter, which you are unaware of. Contact with school professionals would help you better understand what your daughter is going through and figure out ways to help your daughter to behave in a more constructive way.
Everyone is different—what might work for someone else might not work for you. 'Ask the doctor' is intended to provide helpful information of a general nature. However, please be sure to check with a well-qualified mental health professional or physician, who can meet with you and your child before making important decisions or if you have a serious problem.
|
