Every time I take my 9 year old daughter to my sisters house to play swim or whatever she seems to change she becomes mean bitter nasty against the whole world. What could this mean? Gayle
Talk to your daughter before you go over there next time. Tell her you notice how upset she gets at your sister's house & ask her what is bothering her. Remember, this is summer & kids can get nasty or cranky just because they're bored and miss their friends. Try cutting the time at your sister's a little shorter. Ask your daughter what might make the time at your sister's more fun. Get some cool magazines or fun books for her to bring along to read. Make sure to have plenty of water to drink & hats so she doesn't get overheated. If it gets too hot or humid outside, take a break & let her go inside or sit in the shade & read or listen to her favorite music on a CD player. If she likes to draw, bring some markers & paper. Try letting her do "her own thing" when the "crankies" appear.

How can I get my 8-year-old daughter to stop saying "I hate you" to her sister every time she gets angry with her? Also, do you think doing extra chores are a good payment for nasty behavior? Jill
Try ignoring your daughter when she says "I hate you." Help her find better ways to express her frustration and to deal with her feelings. Make sure you really know what is going on between your daughters. Don't assume your 8 year old is the source of the problem. Find out exactly what went on between the girls. Catch your daughter doing the right thing and give her one-to-one attention to prevent problem behaviors. Be sure to praise your daughter's good behavior. Tell her you're proud of how she handled something with her sister. Hugs and praise from Mom are the best reinforcers of better behavior.

When problem behaviors do happen, use logical consequences. For example, when your daughter is being disrespectful to another family member, it would be natural for her to lose the privilege of being around others for a period of time – you might send her to her room to calm down until she is ready to work things out in a respectful way.

What do you tell your daughter when she tells you kids are calling her names? (i.e. "fat" or "buck teeth", etc.) Gina
Talk about bullying with your daughter. The bully is jealous & has to put other kids down. Reassure your daughter that this is the other child's problem. Help her to ignore that other child. Sometimes a funny "comeback" line will put a bully in her place. Bolster your daughter with lots of praise & tell her this will pass. Make sure your daughter is surrounding herself with healthy friends who can act as a social "buffer" to the teasing. Bullies are much less likely to approach groups or to target people who have a solid social network.

Everyone is different—what might work for someone else might not work for you. 'Ask the doctor' is intended to provide helpful information of a general nature. However, please be sure to check with a well-qualified mental health professional or physician, who can meet with you and your child before making important decisions or if you have a serious problem.