Question:
I have a friend. I really like her we're BFFs! But she tries to make me do stuff I don't want to like buy her stuff. One time my mom gave me money to buy tickets to a show but my friend tried to make me buy her candy. I had a really hard time telling her no. I just didn't feel comfortable buying the candy with my mom's money. And when we ate dinner at a restaurant there was a game room. She tried to get me to put in money for a claw game. Again I didn't feel comfortable wasting my mom's money on a game we would probably lose. Every time I have my mom's money she tries to get me to buy her stuff. I have a hard time saying no to anything I don't like that my friends want me to. What if next time it's really dangerous and I can't say no what do I do?
Lauren, 11, OH
SIMPLY SWANSON
Dear Lauren,
For some reason, your friend seems to have many ideas about how to spend the money in your pocket. You, on the other hand, seem to be very wise about trying not to waste money. Good for you for standing up for what you know is right - I can imagine how awkward it must be to keep telling your friend "no." The good news is that you were able to say "no" when it would have been just as easy to say "yes" - this makes me believe that you will definitely say "no" if your friend asks you to do something dangerous. You could say something simple like, "That's really dangerous and not smart to do - I like myself too much to do that to myself." Or, if you feel like you need to, it's also okay to bring your parents into your reasons for not doing something dangerous - say something like, "There is no way I could do that. My mom/dad would definitely find out if I did and I would be in HUGE trouble." And, of course, if you find yourself surrounded by people who seem to want you to try dangerous things, it's time to start making some new friends.
- Dr. Marion
– Dr. Marion
JUST JULIETTE
Dear Lauren,
I think you should talk to your friend and tell her what's bothering you. You shouldn't have to be spending your mom's money just because your friend wants you to. If she is a good friend she'll understand and stop bothering you so much. Try talking to her and see what happens. If it doesn't work you can try just simply saying no if she asks you again. When I was in school, people always asked to copy my homework. I always gave them excuses but I soon got tired of people asking me, so I just started telling them that I didn't want to show them my work and they eventually stopped asking. You can try the same thing and maybe your friend will get bored of asking you because she will already expect you to say no. - Juliette
– Juliette
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A Quick Reminder:
Everyone is different—what might work for someone else might not work for you. Dr. Swanson's and Juliette's ideas might give you a new way of looking at things but always talk with an adult you trust (parents, teacher, aunt/uncle) before making important decisions or if you have a serious problem.
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